Thursday 29 July 2021 by Arabin Patson

Nigel Farage praised by RNLI after donations surge attributed to nation’s ‘f*ck that twat’ impulse


Nigel Farage RNLI complaints

Sources at the Royal National Lifeboat Institution have confirmed that their next ship might be named ‘The Nigel’ after a tidal wave of loathing for Nigel Farage resulted in a jump in contributions by people wanting to find some way to make his life miserable.

Captain Simon Williams, in charge of the RNLI rescue operations in Kent, said that Nigel Farage’s attacks on the organisation had been a godsend, financially.

He told us, “We get some money from those little coin things in seaside shops and donations from the thousands upon thousands of people we have saved over the years.

“But money is tight all over so it’s been great for someone so detested to remind everyone that we will go out into a storm to save anyone who is in trouble regardless of who they are or why they are in trouble.”

Attacks by people such as Nigel Farage have also resulted in RNLI volunteers being threatened or having beer cans thrown at them by illiterate divorcees who claim they are ‘patrolling our shores’ while getting drunk in a car park near Dover port. Attacks that Captain Williams said would not deter RNLI volunteers.

“If we get the call, even from Nigel Farage himself during his wanky boat trips where he looks at water and gets all angry because brown people exist, we would still go out.”

“We would still try to save his life because, and I know this is a hard concept for some to grasp, we’re not cunts.”

If you want to help wipe the smirk off the frog-faced fascist’s face, please consider donating here.

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