Monday 26 July 2021 by Mark Molloy

Grown man gets actual Olympic gold medal for pissing about on a skateboard


Skateboard

A grown man has been given an actual real Olympic gold medal it is revealed today for just pissing about on a skateboard trying to do tricks.

Yuto Horigome from Japan, who is 26 and not a child, won his Olympic gold by literally fucking about on a skateboard doing little jumps and and stuff and falling on the floor slightly better than a few other people also fucking about on a skateboard.

A spokesperson for the Olympics confirmed, “Yes he was really good at that skateboardy thing and making it flip over a bit better then the others.

“Everyone knows that the Olympic games is about world class athletes at the peak of their powers trying to compete in amazing feats of athletic prowess.

“And also surf dudes cocking about in the sea whilst their mates just fuck about playing on skateboards like some teenager trying to avoid getting a job.

“The sheer determination, effort and training that goes into performing at the Olympics make winning a gold medal one of the greatest achievements possible in competitive sports.

“Unless you’ve just been fucking about in the park on a skateboard for a year and manage to fluke a little turny jump thing for the first time in about 6 attempts in the Olympics to get a Gold medal.”

Asked if he thinks skateboarding should actually be removed as an Olympic sport we were told, “Well to be fair if they still have that walking race, synchronised swimming, and the one with the massive pole then fuck it, fill your boots.”

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