Friday 23 July 2021 by Arabin Patson

Boy accused of breach of protocol ‘publicity stunt’ for accusing Emperor of ‘nudity’ during Imperial fashion parade


Boy pointing at emporer

Dean Valet, a young boy known for his observation skills, has caused a furore by using terms prohibited when discussing sartorial arrangements of monarchs and has been accused by many of deliberately creating a media storm to raise his profile among his peers.

In a side event to the main clothing display, young master Valet used a chance to speak to declare the following.

“I have just been watching a video about the emperor’s wardrobe and it’s clear to everyone except the people here that, far from having the finest garb in the land, he is just walking around stark bollock naked. It’s revolting and frankly unhygienic.”

The lad was given a chance to withdraw his statement by a teacher but he just doubled down.

“I will not! He is in the buff and I can see his flabby bitch-tits all shiny with sweat as well as his tiny mushroom cock that makes me wonder how he sired so many bastards across the realm.

“It is absurd that he can merrily rub his arse crack all over the leather benches but I get expelled for pointing out that he sheds pubes all over the place.”

In response to the outburst, the spokesperson for the Imperial party, Simon Williams, said the boy’s words were disgraceful and without merit.

“Our Emperor has world-beating trousers and it’s sordid to suggest he is the kind of man who would get his todger out because he enjoys making people uncomfortable.

“He’s never deliberately stood in front of me and pretended to pick up something so I was forced to stare into his unwiped ringpiece. Oh no.

“It didn’t happen and I sleep very well without medication!”

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