Thursday 22 July 2021 by Gary Stanton

I won’t play for a ‘discriminated audience’ insists man who happily supported Enoch Powell


Eric Clapton

Eric Clapton will no longer play in front of ‘discriminated audiences’ in an astonishing break with a fifty-year tradition, it has emerged.

The AOR artist announced today that he will not perform in venues that require proof of vaccination, such as a vaccine passport, certificate or a massively swollen thyroid gland caused by the little microchips.

Today’s move is in stark contrast to Clapton’s 1970’s stance of churning out soft rock ballads for an audience consisting solely of flatulent, balding white men in their late fifties.

Clapton, himself, recalled a negative experience after the Astra Zeneca jab, which left him seriously doubting whether he’d ever be able to make another rambling speech denouncing “wogs” and “coons” in front of an audience of twenty thousand.

Meanwhile, Clapton supporters were quick to point out that the seventies were a very different time and, in all fairness, the UK is a small island and he was probably a bit pissed at the time.

Virologist, Simon Williams, said, “Any vaccine can cause side effects ranging from fever, tiredness or the sensation of being suddenly dropped by Polydor.

“However, based on his recent remarks, it is clear that the risks of going to see Eric Clapton considerably outweigh the benefits.

“For those who have outstanding anxieties about being in a wheezing Eric Clapton audience while wearing dreadlocks, I can only suggest you seek an alternative artist with a more socially aware Covid policy.”

Williams added, “Van Morrison’s UK tour begins in just a few week’s time.”

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