Archive footage reveals British inventor reached space thirty years before Bezos and Branson

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The space race between privately-funded businessmen was pre-empted by a single British inventor in the late 1980s, it has emerged.

Jeff Bezos and Richard Branson had vied to be the first for their private ventures to reach space, but both were beaten to the punch by Lancashire-based Wallace in 1989, who funded his venture through a complex set of financial instruments underwritten when speculation sent prices of moon cheese soaring.

As well as exiting the Earth’s atmosphere, Wallace managed to reach the moon where he discovered a self-driving, money-powered robot which later used ideas stolen from Wallace and changed its name to Elon Musk.

“I really wish Elon was more like Gromit,” Wallace told us. “Quiet.”

When asked about modern technology only now catching up with his earlier inventions, Wallace said it was “Right nice that these lads have had a grand day out, but I don’t reckon it’ll catch on as it’s a blooming long way to go for a picnic.”

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Jeff Bezos paid homage to Wallace’s achievements, saying that without Wallace’s rabbit brain-control ray he’d never have got many people to buy his stuff to pay for all of this.