Wednesday 21 July 2021 by Lucas Wilde

Brexiter refuses vaccine passport but still insists they should be BLUE


Brexiter demands blue vaccine passport

Your local Brexiter is branding vaccine passports as a disgrace but is still insistent on what colour they should be.

In a classic case of have-your-cake-and-eat-it, Simon Williams has announced he will be excluding himself from a process entirely while still insisting he has some say over how that decision works.

“It’s a disc race,” said Simon, carefully emphasising the words “disc” and “race”, so you KNOW he’s messed it up.

“It’s just a way for the government to track and control us. I made that point this morning from my smartphone while sat in my house, from which I am registered on the electoral roll.

“I absolutely will not have a vaccine and I want absolutely no part in any kind of vaccine passport whatsoever.

“However, I must insist that they be BLUE.

“We’re British. Therefore a blue vaccine passport is the only acceptable vaccine passport- even though, as I say, they are completely unacceptable.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am going to eat this chocolate cake, and by the time I finish it had better still be here or I’m going to write a very strongly worded letter.”

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