Tragedy strikes as Jeff Bezos returns alive and unharmed from space

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Disaster struck this afternoon as billionaire Jeff Bezos’ trip to the edge of space passed without a hitch and he returned as planned.

Ground control crews and observers were struck into speechless dismay as the capsule made a perfect touchdown, with many moved to despairing tears as the calamity unfolded.

As a visibly cheerful and alive Bezos emerged, screens went blank to spare viewers the sight of the horror proved too much for many.

The Amazon supreme then told despairing witnesses that he ‘felt great’.

”This a dark day in the history of space flight,” said US President Joe Biden in a statement. “Our hearts go out to all affected by this disaster, and counselling is available to those personally affected by the news.”

Clearly speaking from the heart, Biden called for the day to be one of unity as all Americans came together in mourning at the news.

“The humanity, oh, the humanity!”, he said.

A phone line set up to help people deal with the unfolding catastrophe was swamped with calls from Amazon employees, many of whom were docked pay for calling during work hours.