Tuesday 20 July 2021 by Lucas Wilde

Door staff thrilled at the prospect of dealing with drunken anti-vaxxers


Nightclub doormen

The prospect of vaccine passports opens the door to a whole new world of adventure for Britain’s door staff.

Boris Johnson who, somehow, is still Prime Minister, yesterday announced that proof of vaccination would soon be required for entry to nightclubs and other crowded venues.

“Oh good,” sighed Jay Cooper, who works the door at popular nightclub, Chlamydia, in Central Nottingham.

“This job is already pretty challenging, to be honest. The hours are long, the nights are late and someone usually tries to take a swing at me at least once a fortnight.

“The last thing I need is some mouth breather slurring “ishahoaxxxsssshhhh” while trying to show me a YouTube video in a desperate bid to convince me to let him in without a covid passport.

“Then you’ve got the ones who inevitably have fake passports OR fake exemption cards. It’s a big enough pain dealing with fake drivers’ licenses.

“This almost feels like a poorly thought out idea from a group of people who simply do not go out in town centres and haven’t done for many decades, if ever, but I’d hate to make assumptions.”

Tory spokesperson, Simon Williams, said, “Jay might have a point… the only clubbing our MPs have done recently involved a baseball bat and a seal colony.”

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