Monday 19 July 2021 by Neil Tollfree

Coronavirus reluctantly set to leave Britain as agreed


Coronavirus to leave country

The Coronavirus has packed up and is leaving Britain, as agreed, later today. Thus allowing Boris’s Freedom Day to take place and all Covid restrictions to be lifted.

“It’s a shame. I shall miss being in Britain,” said the young virus, wistfully.

“I’ve felt very welcome here, with the Government doing its level best to allow me to move freely amongst the population and generally have a lovely old time.

“They even let me become a different variant, which not many places have done.

“But, fair’s fair. Time to move on.”

It is understood that Boris and Sajid Javid concluded discussions with the Coronavirus several weeks ago and persuaded the virus to leave the country today, on ‘Freedom Day’.

Of course, if they hadn’t had those discussions and Coronavirus hadn’t agreed to leave, then removing the simple, unobtrusive restrictions of mask-wearing and social distancing that could save so many lives would be so obviously completely mental.

“I mean, it’s not too bad I suppose,” said the coronavirus.

“There’s still loads of countries around that world that haven’t decided to have a ‘Freedom Day’ yet, so I’ll just go to those instead.

“It’s a pity, but Boris wants his ‘Freedom Day’ so what can I do? My hands are tied.

“Unless, of course, I just ignore the whole concept and spirit of ‘Freedom Day’ and just stay here? I mean, I’m just a virus. How could I understand ‘Freedom Day’?

“Yeah, screw it. That’s what I’ll do. I’m staying. It’s party-time. Woo-hoo!”

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