Guinness World Records on standby in case GB News becomes first channel to achieve minus viewing figures

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Officials from Guinness World Records are ready and waiting to see if the fledgling channel GB News can achieve the impossible and record negative viewer numbers.

Viewing figures dropped to zero briefly yesterday, following a boycott of the channel that heralds free speech and expression, after one of the presenters used his right to free speech and expression to take the knee; a move that was evidently the wrong type of free speech and expression.

“This is very exciting stuff,” Guinness World Records official Christopher James told us, clutching the trademark clipboard, pen and stopwatch often seen at such world-first events.

“To have achieved zero viewers is a remarkable feat in and of itself, especially in this age of digital streaming, and now we just wait to see if this can drop even lower into minus figures, which would surely be a first.”

He went on, “Admittedly, we’re not sure how this might work, statistically speaking – I suppose if they drop down to zero viewers again, and then the nation collectively closes their eyes and tries to erase any memory of footage from the channel since its launch, that will probably push it under zero.

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“Or if anyone hasn’t had the misfortune to see footage from the channel, and solemnly vow NEVER to watch it, that will also count.

“So we can probably expect that to happen around lunchtime today.”

We approached Andrew Neil, the GB News founder and living embodiment of the concept of regret, for a comment on the viewing figures but he told us he’d never heard of ‘GB News’ before hopping on a flight back to France.