Wednesday 14 July 2021 by Mark Molloy

Not smiling and generally being rude to remain compulsory on London transport

People on the Tube

Not smiling, ignoring people, pushing in and generally being rude is to remain compulsory on London transport it has been announced today, along with still wearing masks.

With the final easing of restrictions due to come into force next week, London Mayor Sadiq Khan has assured passengers today that there will be no changes expected in their general ill-mannered behaviour with a complete disregard for other passengers still compulsory on all modes of transport in and around the city.

Speaking earlier he told us, “Don’t worry guys, it’s business as usual on the tubes and buses. No smiling and generally looking a bit scary.

“We want to assure Londoners that as restrictions do begin to ease, they will not be expected to be any happier, pleasant or friendly to any other commuters whatsoever for the entire duration of their journey.

“We want our great city to return to normal as soon as possible as more and more people return to work.

“And nothing says ‘normal’ more than hundreds of people behaving like a bunch of complete selfish cunts pushing on to a tube train before staring at each other without smiling in an unnerving and intimidating manner until they reach their stop.”

Asked if commuters will be encouraged to smile and perhaps be a little bit friendly when masks are eventually removed, he told us, “Absolutely not, this is London not the north of England.”

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