Thursday 8 July 2021 by Arabin Patson

Angry racists boycotting England games told to stay stroppy for just one more match so they don’t jinx it


arms folded

Superstitious football fans have warned childish reactionaries that, under no circumstances whatsoever, are they to cease their pathetic boycott of England games as their little tantrum could very well be the magic that lifted the Lions’ 55-year curse.

In Ashfield, a footie fan who calls her vibrator Raheem, Simone Williams, said that she has had to warn her neighbour as he used to tell all and sundry that he only kneels for the Queen but of late started talking about “our lads”.

She went on, “I don’t like being rude, but I’m not having any of that. Right until the match against Ukraine he was making a big show of not watching it. He even mowed the lawn during the Croatia game. And if you were unlucky to enter a conversation with him, he would spend hours telling you how the squad has been captured by ultra-woke socialists or some such bollocks.

“However, since that dickhead has been sulking away, the team has been crushing it. Maybe knowing that a bunch of bigoted harrumphers are watching Dave while the nation enjoys itself is just the motivation the team needed?

“So I went over and told him that if he dared watch the final, or even hum Three Lions, I would train my dogs to shit on his lawn.”

Ms Williams said speaking to her neighbour was difficult but she felt it was necessary.

“To be honest we don’t usually speak to him much because he always stares at my tits and he’s a bit weird. Sometimes I can see him practising giving a thumbs up in the mirror. I think he’s either a mortician or a Tory MP.

“Something creepy like that.”

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