HGV drivers must work longer hours to fix the Brexit problems we created, insists government

author avatar by 2 years ago

The post-Brexit shortage of HGV drivers can be solved by putting over-worked and tired drivers behind the wheel of a 40-tonne vehicle for longer than was previously claimed as safe, according to the government today.

As hauliers insist that there is a shortage of drivers caused in part by European drivers ‘going back home’ after Brexit, pro-Brexit ministers such as Grant Shapps have insisted the issue can easily be fixed by making the existing HGV drivers work just a little bit harder.

Transport secretary Grant Shapps told reporters, “We’re all in this together, and if there is one thing we’ve learned since Brexit, it’s that this country is full of people willing to work even harder to make up for the problems we have caused.  No, not us, obviously. You. I mean you.

“And yes, technically, for safety reasons we did previously limit the number of hours an HGV driver can spend behind the wheel of a vehicle that could crush you in the blink of an eye, but now we have to weigh the safety of all road users up against businesses not being able to function properly.

“And I think our approach to ending lockdown will tell you which of those is more important to this government.

“So yes, the nation’s roads will have some drivers in massive trucks who have been driving for longer than we previously said was safe; but on the plus side, this is another Brexit problem we can claim to have completely solved and can therefore dismiss it as Project Fear.

“It’s win-win.”

The Cabinet of Arseholes (now with added Grant Shapps!)