Monday 5 July 2021 by Lucas Wilde

CEO who wanted tax-funded bailout somehow scrapes together enough pennies to go to f*cking SPACE


Richard Branson going to space

Richard Branson has found enough money to dick about in space for a bit, despite asking for a tax-funded bailout last year.

The Virgin mogul with a face like the massive flying dog off of the Never-ending Story last week announced he had found enough coppers down the back of the sofa to build a fucking space shuttle.

“Oh, well done him,” said single mum, Hayley Rice, as she browsed a local food bank.

“I was really worried when he asked for us to bail him out last year. I assumed he had run out of money and I might bump into him in this food bank.

“So glad he’s picked himself up and he’s able to buy essentials like food, hygiene products and a fucking space suit.

“It’s a real underdog story.

“Would you be able to give me a lift home? I don’t have enough money for the bus.”

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