Thursday 1 July 2021 by Neil Tollfree

The Sun assures ‘readers’ that racist abuse of Raheem Sterling will continue in a week or so


Raheem Sterling The Sun

The Sun has sought to assure its ‘readers’ that its racist abuse of Raheem Sterling will continue in a week or so, whenever England go out of the Euros.

Some of its ‘readers’ were beginning to feel a little uncomfortable with a number of headlines and articles that seemed to praise Raheem Sterling, instead of the steady stream of racist abuse that has poured from the paper over the years like effluent from an old, broken sewage pipe.

“Rest assured, in a week or so, we’ll do an article about how it’s obscene that Raheem Sterling has a nicer house than you,” wrote a ‘reporter’ this morning.

“Or maybe something about how he bought a new shirt instead of giving a thousand pounds to charity.

“Whatever. The important thing is that it will continue to foster the years of resentment we’ve helped stoke towards successful black people in order to keep Britain a divided and unpleasant place.”

Sun ‘reader’ Simon Williams was relieved.

“I’ll be honest, I’ve been confused this past week. Raheem Sterling is an England hero? That just doesn’t tie up with my image of him. I was always given to understand that he’s lazy, doesn’t care, ignores his fans, and just isn’t a very nice man.

“Not like Harry Kane, who I seem to have a far better impression of. For some reason.”

It is understood that the Sun has a dedicated team of ‘reporters’ currently working on a story about how Raheem Sterling is going on a holiday somewhere nice whereas a lot of people can’t afford to go on holiday, insinuating that it’s somehow his fault without ever explicitly saying so.

“That’s right,” said one of the team, “we are all looking forward to getting back to normal.”

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