The England football team has unveiled a new beige strip with grey detailing ahead of tonight’s match against Germany – a move that designers hope will reflect all the dynamism and excitement they’ve brought to the game during the tournament.
“We hoped to give the team a strip which would represent an attacking, end-to-end strategy that left your heart in your mouth at the poetry exhibited on the pitch,” said fashion design Simeon Willyams, who was brought in to revamp the team’s look.
“But unfortunately that would have been an outright lie, so instead we came up with something in inoffensive, neutral tones that represent the square pass and a low-risk knockback to the keeper.
“I tried to think of the colour palette which would best exemplify Southgate’s leadership on the pitch, and ultimately came up with a doctor’s waiting room in about 1974.”
Manager Southgate is reported to be ‘delighted’ with the new look – or at least he quietly mumbled ‘Yay’, which observers took to mean the same thing.