Tuesday 29 June 2021 by Neil Tollfree

Efficient England fans offer in-depth criticism of performance several hours before match

England fans criticise england performance

England fans have been hailed for their efficiency after they began their criticism of the team performance against Germany several hours before the game had even begun.

“They just aren’t creative enough,” said Simon Williams, an England fan who hates England.

“I’m ashamed to be an England fan today, they’re just a bunch of preening megastars who don’t care. Not like me. I care enough that I’ve got up early to criticise them twelve hours before the game. They’re probably all still in bed.

“If they were as good as they claim they are then they should be twelve-nil up within the first twenty minutes and be playing free-flowing, expansive football that makes Cruyff’s Netherlands team look like Stoke.


The England fans efficiency has left fans from other countries impressed.

“It’s certainly a bold move,” said Simon von Williams, a German football fan.

“We usually try to encourage our team and support them, but this English policy of efficient pre-emptive criticism? Well, we shall see if it works or not later I suppose.”

The England fans are so efficient that they have begun criticism of the team for not winning the World cup, despite the tournament not taking place for another eighteen months.

“They just won’t want it enough,” said one.

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