‘We can’t relax the travel rules’ insists government, ‘unless you are a VIP visiting Wembley’

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The government has insisted today that it is unable to relax its rules on travel and quarantine for visitors to the UK, unless you are a really rich VIP visiting Wembley Stadium for a football match, obviously.

With the UK travel industry desperate for an easing of restrictions, and millions of people across the country hoping to finally be able to holiday abroad, the government has moved to defend its current position stating that it is still too early for any relaxation of the current rules for incoming passengers to the UK, unless they are deemed important, like rich sponsors, for example, going to Wembley.

A spokesperson for the government confirmed, “Rules are rules I’m afraid, for you lot anyway. Not for the rich VIP’s, obviously. They can do what they want, like normal.

“Look we can’t go letting everybody just fly into the country and attend massive football matches with over 60,000 people there, with a risk of importing another new variant of this dreadful disease.

“So we will have to just let the really rich people in, such as ‘UEFA officials, whoever they are, and VIP fans, who can do what the fuck they want, because they are rich and will be bringing in sponsor money and stuff.

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“That way we can pretend that we are still being cautious, by stopping everyone else from travelling, whilst still looking after our VIP friends.

“You know the script by now surely? One rule for us, and another for you. Are you not grasping this? For God sake!”