Everything is proceeding exactly as I have foreseen, explains wise Brexit sage

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Five years after the country voted to leave the EU, wise Brexiters have insisted everything is going exactly to plan.

As the nation reached the fifth anniversary of voting for Brexit, some Brexiters have reflected on the many successes it has brought the country so far.

Simon Williams, a staunch Brexiter and regular retweeter of the Leave.EU account, told us, “I will be cracking open the champagne today, as everything is going exactly as I predicted.

“Brexit has happened, and everything around us is wonderful. Just look around you, can’t you feel it?

“People have selective memories, but I vividly remember telling everyone just over five years ago that the pound would fall, the economy would shrink to 2014 levels, inflation would rise, major employers would be leaving the country, we’d be out of the single market, we’d be suffering shortages of seasonal workers, Northern Ireland would once again become a powderkeg, Scotland would be on the verge of seceding from the Union and we’d have a populist government gaslighting the nation into thinking this is what we wanted all along.

“Yes I did, shut up.”

Friends of Williams have explained that this type of behaviour is par for the course.

As one explained, “Once he makes up his mind, he never admits he was wrong, regardless of the evidence to the contrary – that’s just the way he is. He’s still insisting to anyone who’ll listen that Betamax is the high-fidelity format of the future.

“We’ve given up trying to convince him otherwise. He seems happy in his ignorance and as long he gets his round in, the rest of us can probably live with it.”

Brexit means Clusterf*ck – get the t-shirt!