Monday 21 June 2021 by Chris Ballard

Pagans to build new massive henge to celebrate what feels like the longest year


Pagans to build new henge

Inspired by summer solstice celebrations at Stonehenge, a new monument is to be built in honour of the longest ever year.

People flock to Stonehenge every June to celebrate the longest day. However, the prehistoric monument simply isn’t large enough to do justice to the longest year.

So a new one is to be constructed.

“June 2020 to June 2021 has been the longest twelve months since records began,” said pagan Simon Williams, who is essentially just looking for an excuse to dance around with his cock out.

“To mark this occasion we need to create a henge that’s twelve times as high as the one in Salisbury. It’ll be so impressive we’ll be fighting off hordes of sightseeing Russian spies.

“Although, in keeping with the times we won’t actually be dragging huge rocks from Wales to Wiltshire. We’ll just build the thing in the Welsh valleys and then it can appear on the Salisbury Plains via Zoom.”

The Government thinks the new henge is an excellent idea.

“I’m all for celebrating all our fantastic achievements over the last year,” said Health Secretary Matt Hancock.

“We’d be happy to fund all the straw required for a really robust solution.”

“The important thing is to provide a strong foundation for future generations,” said Education Secretary Gavin Williamson.

“I think a henge made of sticks would be ideal.”

“I imagine they’ll want to use lots of heavy rocks,” said the Prime Minister.

“Not sure why they’d bother – we’ve got loads of bodies lying around, just pile them up high!”

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