Saturday 19 June 2021

Thorpe Park on verge of becoming nation’s first ‘Arsehole-Free’ tourist attraction


Thorpe Park to be entirely arsehole-free

As mask-opposing twats continue to call for a boycott of Thorpe Park due to their policy of making mask-exempt visitors sit in a different part of their rides, experts say it could become the nation’s first twat-free attraction.

After a mother complained that her adult daughter was asked to sit at the back of a ride due to being exempt from wearing a mask, thousands of morons have taken to social media to liken a fun day out at a theme park to the racial segregation suffered by Rosa Parks.

Father of two Simon Williams told us, “Going out for a day out anywhere in the UK almost certainly guarantees engaging with twats of some description, because let’s be honest, they’re everywhere.

“Nothing about the Thorpe Park boycott surprises me, because this particular type of twat seems hell-bent on looking for excuses to play the victim. They’re the biggest snowflakes around, but seemingly incapable of seeing it.

“But the goods news is that this boycott could offer families like mine a genuine chance to spend a day out having fun without having to spend any time whatsoever near people who use terms like ‘face-nappy’ and ‘sheeple’.”

Thorpe Park spokesperson Sharon Jenkins told us, “We’ve wondered for years how to make our attraction less attractive to twats, and seems like we’ve stumbled onto the solution by complete accident.

“So, if you want to enjoy a nice family day out and not be concerned by the prospect of engaging with any covid-denying simpletons, why not pay us a visit?”

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