Saturday 19 June 2021

Swashbuckling England strike fear into the hearts of all European teams by averaging one shot on target per hour


England vs Scotland

England’s campaign at the European Championships continues to go from strength to strength with yet another swashbuckling performance full of attacking intent striking fear into the hearts of potential future opponents.

After plucky Scotland hung on to gain a 0-0 draw against an incessant onslaught of attacking play that saw them have to defend an entire shot on target, England now set their sights on the next stage of the tournament.

Football correspondent Simon Williams explained, “Some critics will argue that England are predictable, but it doesn’t matter if you’re predictable if you are also relentless, and if you face this England team you know that you’re going to have a shot on target against you, every. Single. Hour.

“There is no let-up. The clock ticks over to another hour played and ‘Boom!’ from nowhere England have had another shot on goal.  If you’re really unlucky you might have to face two such shots in an entire game. No team can live with that sort of relentless pressure.”

England fan Matt Fowler told us, “I know there are some England fans that would like to see the best set of attacking players we’ve had in a generation really going for it and trying to outscore the opposition in every game, but I quite like us playing like this.

“If I see England have a shot on target I know I can switch over and watch an entire episode of The Sopranos before switching back, knowing full well I won’t miss anything good.  How many other teams in International football can offer that sort of reliability? Eh?”

“I hope England can get to the final because I’m only on Season 4 and I’d like to find out what happens at Uncle Junior’s trial.”

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