Thursday 17 June 2021 by Davywavy

Matt Hancock starts clearing his desk after Number Ten says he has the Prime Minister’s full confidence and support


Matt Hancock fired

Matt Hancock has started putting his stuff into a cardboard box after Boris Johnson told reporters the Health Secretary has his ‘full confidence’ last night.

Hancock – who leaked messages from the Prime Minister described as ‘that hopeless baldy bag of crap’ – arrived at the office this morning with a cardboard box from a local pound shop, which he paid £15 million for on a government procurement contract.

A spokesman for the Prime Minister was quick to clarify the situation in a statement this morning, saying that when they said the Health Secretary was a hopeless badly bag of crap, they meant a different Health Secretary and not the one with an office two doors down.

“You’ll appreciate there’s a lot of hopeless baldy bags of crap in Westminster so it’s easy to see how confusion might arise”, we were told, “but on this occasion, we didn’t mean Matt Hancock, he is tremendously competent with a lovely full head of hair.”

“He has the absolute support of the PM”, the spokesman went on.

“Now if you’d excuse me does anyone have the number for a Taxi firm on them?”

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