“Now do the rest of them”, nation urges Boris Johnson

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After Dominic Cummings leaked a WhatsApp message in which Boris Johnson called Health Secretary Matt Hancock ‘fucking hopeless’, the voting public has demanded that Boris now tell us what he thinks of the rest of his cabinet, before turning his ire towards a mirror.

Voter Simon Williams said it was refreshing to hear Boris’ words when he doesn’t think the cameras on him, and interesting how he came across less like a Latin scholar and more like an inner-city comprehensive teacher.

He went on, “This is one of those brief moments where a politician is both forthright and honest.  It doesn’t happen very often, and can be quite shocking when it arrives, it’s a lot like a lightning strike in that respect.

“I think I speak for all voters across the country when I ask if Boris would now mind telling us what he thinks of Michael Gove, Priti Patel and Dominic Raab as well.  Not least because I think after a year in lockdown it’s about time we were all exposed to some new swear words.”

Meanwhile, CCHQ staff are busy wondering how to spin the latest revelation from Dominic Cummings after learning a little too late that offering a top government job to the literal reincarnation of Machiavelli was a poor political decision.

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A spokesperson told us, “This is terrible news, as you can imagine. It’s completely caught us on the hop, makes us look absolutely terrible in the eyes of the public and illustrates the discord at the heart of Boris Johnson’s government.

“It’s pretty hard to spin this in a positive way, which all probably means our lead in the polls will only be extended by a couple of points.”

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