Wednesday 16 June 2021 by Davywavy

Heroic freedom fighter strikes blow against tyranny by lying to shop assistants

Man exempt from face covering

Fearless defender of the rights of the common man Simon Williams has struck a blow against totalitarian government by lying to the lady behind the till at his local Tesco this morning.

Williams, who courageously bought some mask exempt lanyards of Amazon, will probably get a medal for this when the country wakes up and recognises the reality of the struggle he has fought on their behalf.

Striding fearlessly past the sign saying “Please wear a mask to protect our employees”, Simon waved his badge at the shop assistant with a dashing flourish, like Zorro but without a mask on.

“Some might have interpreted the expression on her face when she saw my badge as one of eye-rolling, weary contempt,” Williams told us.

“But I knew it for it it really was – one of catlike desire at the sight of a true man who is willing to take a stand against the forces of the government no matter what the cost.

“As I walked down the baked goods aisle I saw other female shoppers appraising me with raw, animal desire and moving their children out of my way so I could stride unimpeded, like the madcap, devil-may-care rebel I am.”

When asked, shopper Katie Harris said, “Oh, that twat? My Mandy is immunocompromised so I had to get out of there as fast as possible.”

See the full range of NewsThump facemasks HERE!

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