Wednesday 16 June 2021 by Lucas Wilde

Dominic Cummings releases devastating WhatsApp messages which will make absolutely no difference to voters whatsoever


Dominic Cummings

Dominic Cummings has released a number of text messages that illustrate the incompetence at the heart of government and that will sway voters in absolutely no way at all.

The pint-sized-pariah of the Conservative government released a previously private series of WhatsApp messages in which the prime minister described his health secretary as “fucking hopeless” and illustrated his own complete lack of leadership in the initial stages of the coronavirus pandemic.

However, the damning indictment is expected to have the same effect on voters that a fly swatter might have on a freight train.

“Look, Boris tried his best, he can’t help it if he gave top jobs to people who were useless,” said voter, Simon Williams, a freight train driver.

“You can’t blame him for that. Yes, we have the worst death toll in Europe, but nobody else could have done better, even though there will never be a scenario in which I could prove that statement to be true.

“I don’t care what Tony Robinson’s uglier brother has to say, to be honest. I didn’t even read the text messages he released today.

“I don’t need to because Labour has betrayed the working class. I read it in the Mail. Therefore, I will vote for Boris again and again until he stops being funny, which will obviously be NEVER, the adorable little scamp.”

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