Wednesday 9 June 2021 by Lucas Wilde

Zero outcry as Oxford University replaces Queen’s portrait with Dutch from Predator


Dutch from predator

Oxford University’s students have voted to take down a portrait of the Queen and replace it with a portrait of Dutch off of Predator.

The decision to remove Her Majesty’s likeness was initially met with uproar from the usual gammon-scented quarters, but this immediately subsided upon the news that Liz was to make way for Arnold Schwarzenegger’s iconic Dutch.

“Ohh okay,” said Gavin Williamson, wiping the foam from his mouth.

“That makes sense now. I thought this was some kind of namby-pamby woke nonsense, but replacing the Queen with Dutch is entirely understandable.

“I mean look at him. The man is practically a God. Maybe we should change the anthem to ‘Dutch save the Queen’, because he bloody well would.

“I hereby withdraw my whining drone of over-sensitivity regarding what I deemed to be over-sensitive students.”

A spokesperson for Oxford University said, “Who better than Dutch to watch over our students?

“The Queen is all well and good but she doesn’t look nearly as cool with a machine gun and a cigar.”

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