Wednesday 9 June 2021 by Chris Ballard

My actual nickname was Switchblade, reveals Queen


Queen's real nickname

Her Majesty has revealed that her street nickname was Switchblade, not Lilibet.

A Palace source claims that Harry and Meghan did not consult the Queen before naming their daughter Lilibet.

“No matter,” said Her Majesty. “That was never my nickname anyway.

“People actually called me Switchblade because of my skill with a knife – initially Baby Blade, but they soon realised I weren’t no baby.

“All my life I wanted to be a monarch. I’d see the way people treated my Pa – carrying his bags, opening doors, even getting him dressed. Do you know why they did that? It was outta respect.

“Well, that and the fact I’d butcher their pretty faces if they didn’t follow his orders.

“Anyone mess with Pa and he’d say, ‘Switchblade – sic!’ and I’d leap into action; carve the fuckers right up.

“Mayfair was my manor and I ruled those gritty streets. The early thirties was a tough time for people and an offer of stale bread was all it took to get new recruits.

“And when you were in the firm, the only way out was death.

“I loved my Pa but eventually he got weak, lost his ambition. I had to take matters into my own hands. The Doctors agreed to say it was lung cancer – after I made them an offer they couldn’t refuse…

“Now I’m the boss, and I ain’t fucking going nowhere.

“I see that punk Charles eyeing my throne. But he knows that if he tries anything, I’ll stick him. I’ll stick him good.

“You don’t mess with Switchblade.”

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