Wednesday 9 June 2021

Acting unlawfully is a bad thing to do, unless it enriches your friends, confirm Tories

Michael Gove acted unlawfully

Michael Gove has today clarified the government’s position on ‘acting unlawfully’, insisting it is a bad thing unless it is done to enrich the friends, family or indeed political donors.

After the High Court decided that Michael Gove ‘acted unlawfully’ by awarding a £560,000 contract to a firm run by ex-colleagues of himself and the PM’s adviser Dominic Cummings, Gove himself was quick to clarify the government’s official position.

He told reporters, “Breaking the law is bad, under any circumstances. Well, except one. Which is to say acting unlawfully can be seen as perfectly acceptable if the people benefitting from you doing so are friends or acquaintances.

“Under those circumstances, we have to ask ourselves, have any laws really been broken? And, well, the answer would still be a resounding ‘yes’, but it doesn’t matter anywhere nearly as much.

“After all, what is a light rap on the knuckles from the highest court when on the flip side one of your friends is half a million quid richer?

“If there is one thing we expect people associate with the Tories, it’s that we are the part of law and order – except when there is a few quid to be made.”

The Cabinet of Arseholes – see everyone how made the cut HERE!

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