Monday 7 June 2021

Jack Grealish perfects ‘Schrödinger’s tackle’, which is both an obvious dive AND blatant foul until his shirt is observed


Jack Grealish getting fouled for Aston Villa and England

England midfielder Jack Grealish has been hailed by theoretical scientists for introducing football fans to quantum mechanics through the medium of being tackled.

The Aston Villa captain is the most fouled player in the Premier League for the last two seasons and has carried this form onto the international stage, winning numerous free-kicks for his country, including the penalty that won Sunday’s game against Romania.

However, many observers have pointed out that Jack Grealish being tackled can be both a blatant dive, and an obvious foul, at the same time, right up until the shirt he is wearing is observed by anyone watching the game.

“Jack Grealish is a filthy diver and represents everything that is wrong with the modern game,” explained Leeds fan, Simon Williams, after he was shown footage of Jack Grealish being scythed down in an Aston Villa shirt.

However, when shown the same footage, but this time with Grealish wearing a digitally created England shirt, Williams observed something entirely different.

“Grealish is just pure class, the opposition simply can’t get near him by legal means so they have to hack him down.  That other team is absolutely filthy. That clearly should have been a red card, where was VAR?

“Wait? What do you mean it’s the same tackle? That’s absurd, the first was a clear dive by the filthy Villa cheat, while the second was a sublime piece of trickery by England’s saviour and the reincarnation of St George himself.”

Meanwhile, England manager Gareth Southgate has sought to introduce fans to Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle as they try to measure Harry Maguire’s exact position during the first game against Croatia.

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