Monday 7 June 2021 by Neil Tollfree

England players agree to bring back racism following particularly persuasive booing


England team kneeling

The England football team have announced that, following some particularly persuasive booing at the start of the match against Romania on Sunday, they will be reinstituting racism.

For nearly a year now, British football players have taken the knee before kick-off in an effort to highlight racism faced by black players. This small protest has been increasingly greeted with boos from those who wish to remain free to enjoy racism.

“You know, it’s important to admit when you are wrong,” explained England captain Harry Kane.

“We were wrong. It’s time to bring back and embrace racism. This will mean adopting racial slurs on the pitch, excluding black players from the team on the basis of skin colour and encouraging the throwing of bananas from the crowd.”

Manager Gareth Southgate agreed.

“I’m not sure what we were thinking, trying to eradicate racism and make black people feel welcome and comfortable in their place of work. I guess we didn’t really think how that would make some white people feel.

“Obviously, trying to do something decent that has literally no effect on white people is going to be terribly upsetting for them and we’re very sorry that we didn’t consider their feelings beforehand. I look forward to getting back to some great British racism as soon as possible.”

Anti-racism campaigners admitted defeat.

“Fair enough really. I guess we gave eradicating racism our best shot,” said Simon Williams, the sort of lily-livered snowflake who believes all races should be free and equal.

“I just wish we’d thought of booing racism, and we might have got it sorted by now.”

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