by 
Boris Johnson, Prime Minister and twice-winner of Fat Shit Quarterly’s Man of the Year, yesterday appointed a Union Jack flag as a Junior Minister to the Ministry of Justice.
“I’m pleased to announce that we have appointed our first Union Jack flag to a ministerial position,” said Mr Johnson.
“I believe that the flag will be a tremendous addition to the Government and will show, once again, that this government is committed to flags.”
Following the appointment, BBC Breakfast’s Dan Walker interviewed the flag over Zoom where the flag did not say anything because it is a flag, but did appear with a Union Jack flag hanging behind it in its office. It is unclear if the two flags were in a relationship.
Tory supporters seem to approve of the appointment.
“FLAG,” grunted Simon Williams, a Tory supporter who was in the process of smearing his faeces across a wall.
“Flag good. Flag nice. Flag get Brexit done. Flag level up Simon. FLAG.”
It is thought that the flag’s first task will be to hang limply until some wind gets up, whereupon it will wave and undulate for a while.
Although the flag is an inanimate object, incapable of even the most rudimentary thought and reason, it is expected to be considerably more effective as a minister than Gavin Williamson.
