Roger Waters was the most talented, handsome and best in bed member of Pink Floyd, by Roger Waters

Just because I haven’t been a member of the band since 1985 and spent the last thirty-five years publicly slagging him off, Dave Gilmour has petulantly banned me from posting to the Pink Floyd Facebook page, so I’m posting this statement to clear up a few misconceptions.

Roger Waters has agreed to release the remaster of Animals without sleeve notes to resolve a long-running dispute, and so I post them here instead.

In 1968, Roger Waters graciously allowed a local tramp by the name of ‘Gilmour’ (if that is his real name) to briefly join his band to make him a few shillings, and Roger Waters bought Gilmour a guitar and suggested he learn to play which he achieved to a moderate degree of accomplishment despite his short, chubby fingers. That, and some reasonably tolerable singing, was the full extent of Gilmour’s contribution to Pink Floyd – everything else being done by the ruggedly handsome genius Roger Waters.

The period of creativity in the lead up to Animals was one of Roger Waters’ greatest, only superseded by the masterwork of The Wall a few years later. During this period, Roger Waters came up with many innovations, such as rhyming ‘all’ and ‘wall’, and ‘need’ and ‘street’, and suggesting the band release a ‘concept’ ‘album’ as a ’45 rpm’ ‘record’ – ideas entirely new to the recording industry at the time.

As a further breakthrough, Roger Waters suggested the band ‘get girlfriends’ and ‘take drugs’ in a bid to broaden their horizons – once again breakthrough ideas which nobody in the recording industry has considered previously.

Gilmour’s suggestion that he had any part whatsoever in these creative endeavours is obviously porky-pies because Roger Waters had him locked in a cupboard at the time as a punishment for talking whilst Roger Waters was trying to concentrate.

In fact, it is only right that Roger Waters should be given sole credit for all the band’s albums, as without his words Gilmour would have never thought of the de-de-de de de-de-de-de riff in ‘The Wall’ (or other, similarly simplistic noodlings at other parts of the band’s history) to hang them off.

Roger Waters regrets the incessant and obsessive animosity Dave Gilmour has shown towards him during the last four decades and wishes he would just grow up and accept his place as, at best, an amateurish journeyman who only owes his success to the mature and relaxed master of his craft who would never stoop to Gilmour’s level, Roger Waters.

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