Thursday 3 June 2021 by Mark Molloy

Man arriving home after five hours in the pub insists he’s only had three pints


man only had three pints

A man who arrived home last night after spending five hours out in the pub is still insisting he only had three pints according to sources today.

Simon Williams, who only went out ‘for a couple’ after work with his friend arrived home at 11:15 pm and after struggling with the key in the door for almost two full minutes, insisted he had only had two pints all night, possibly three at a push.

Speaking earlier he told us, “Yeah I just took my time and only had a couple like I said I would to the missus.

“Maybe three at a push, but definitely not seven, or nine like it looked like when I couldn’t even talk properly when I got home.

“Absolutely not, I just took my time with them you see, and had a nice relaxing time.

“I think I had a couple of lemonades too slotted in between them, just to take it easy, like I told the wife I would, because I’m good like that.

“Really sensible.”

Asked to comment on his claims his wife told us, “He thinks I’m a fucking idiot. He fell asleep on the couch with a kebab on his chest.”

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