The exclusive ‘sky pool’ in South London is now approximately seventy per cent urine after those using it failed to combat the instinctive urge to piss on the poor people they could see on the street below.
The pool, which is suspended 35m above the ground between two buildings, is only designated for use by residents of the luxury ‘Embassy Gardens’, but of course not those residents who purchased their flat through the Shared Ownership scheme.
“What can I say, old habits die hard,” said one resident, Simon Williamsby-Toffer, who took a dip first thing this morning and instantly emptied his bladder in the direction of a homeless person on the street below, soiling his Louis Vuitton swimwear in the process.
“When you have ludicrously wealthy parents and have worked as hard as I have to spend that money, you become accustomed to expressing your disdain for the lower classes – and shared ownership residents – by having a little tinkle on them whenever you can.
“I did those kind of japes on my nights out with the Bullingdon Club, and I don’t see why I should change now.”
One pedestrian on the street below, Eleanor Gay, told us, “To be honest, I’m not sure why you’d want to swim in a see-through box above the streets of London.
“We only get three good days of sunshine per year and with the pollution levels round here it’ll be completely opaque by September.”