Wednesday 2 June 2021

‘Promise of four-day bank holiday weekend probably enough to make up for Prince Andrew being a nonce’ nation tells Queen


Queen's Platinum Jubilee four-day bank holiday weekend

The nation is so excited about the prospect of a four-day bank holiday next June to celebrate the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee, that it is willing to overlook the continued existence of a nonce in the front line royal family.

As Palace officials unveiled the plans that will see people get four days of work when the weather might actually be okay, people everywhere have weighed that up against Prince Andrew refusing to travel to the US to talk to the FBI about child sex trafficking allegations against his friend Jeffrey Epstein.

Office worker Simon Williams told us, “I’ve thought about it, and much as I hate the idea of Prince Andrew being able to go about his business without having to answer questions about his potential noncing, I really do like the idea of the Queen giving us a four-day weekend.

“I could take four days paid holiday and get ten consecutive days off work – that’s pretty cool, right?

“I mean, trafficking underage women for sex is really bad, obviously, and we should definitely be cross about Prince Andrew not answering the FBIs request for an interview, but on the other hand, free time off in June is pretty sweet.”

Others have been more forthright in the views of the royal family, with Republican Mike Dawson telling us, “I think the monarchy is a desperately outdated institution that has little relevance in the modern world, and that we should look to disband it at the earliest possible opportunity.

“But not before June next year, as I don’t have much holiday free and I quite fancy a week in Portugal.”

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