Tuesday 1 June 2021 by Lucas Wilde

“30% off for gays during Pride Month” beams cynical used car dealer


used car dealer

A used car dealer has massively missed the mark when it comes to Pride Month.

Simon Williams, 54, doesn’t really know a lot about LGBT+ issues, or even what the “T” stands for, but nonetheless has ploughed forward with a marketing promotion that could be described as “crass” at best.

“Much like Madonna, our discounts are FIERCE,” confirmed Williams, awkwardly reading from a piece of paper.

“In the month of June, prove you’re not straight and we’ll give you 30% off any car with an RRP of 19,999 or more.

“Proof may include holding hands with someone of the same gender, having coloured hair or owning a Ricky Martin album.

“So if you’re queer or gay, don’t you dare delay! Drive away your dream car TODAY!” concluded Williams, running up a rainbow flag that he had previously used to show support for the NHS.

The LGBT+ community’s reaction has been mixed.

“Fucking hell,” confirmed Hayley Rice, a 32-year-old bisexual.

“I know that all companies and corporations take a cynical approach to pride month but this is so transparent, to the point I almost admire the man’s balls – figuratively, of course.

“I only found out about this because one of my straight friends wanted a new car. So I walked in with her holding her hand while loudly discussing the work of Sylvia Plath, and she drove away a Fiat 500 with a 30% discount and a complimentary set of floor mats.

“By the way, you could ask either of us, one straight and one bi, and both of us would give you the same answer: Ricky Martin fucking SLAPS.”

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