Government streamlines process for grieving unnecessary deaths into just one stage: Denial

author avatar by 3 years ago

Forget about the five stages of grief, when it comes to avoidable Covid deaths the Government says only one is needed.

Since the late 1960s, mental health professionals have divided grief into five broad stages.

The Prime Minister talked us through this traditional framework to see how he felt it could be applied to the terrible and totally unnecessary Covid deaths in the UK.

Stage One – Denial

“Well, this obviously makes sense because there were no unnecessary deaths. We listened to expert advice to balance, er, stuff and things and then ignored it in order to make the best decisions we could in each particular scenario.

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“I know what Dominic Cummings said but I simply won’t have it – all the deaths were completely necessary. In fact, I’m proud of them – British deaths for British people.”

Stage Two – Anger

“Look, the only thing I’m angry about is that this bloody Covad – or whatever it’s called – came along just as I’d become PM. Really bloody annoying actually. Takes up so much of my time I’ve barely been able to write a Shakespeare biography.”

Stage Three – Bargaining

“Well, we got an excellent price for those Turkish medical gowns and an even better price from the waste disposal company when they all had to be binned. Don’t really see the need for more bargaining to be honest, just time-consuming piffle paffle.”

Stage Four – Depression

“Certainly not in my house. Well, apart from Carrie whenever I mention our wedding. But I suppose excitement takes on many forms.”

Stage Five – Acceptance

“Nope. No unnecessary deaths. No, no no.”