Thursday 27 May 2021 by Neil Tollfree

Emergency services called to Parliament after Matt Hancock’s pants catch fire


Matt Hancock pants on fire

There were dramatic scenes in Parliament earlier as fire engines arrived to put out the fire that had started in Matt Hancock’s pants for reasons that are unclear.

The fire began as Mr Hancock responded to questions concerning Dominic Cummings testimony yesterday.

He began his statement with the words “These unsubstantiated allegations around honesty are not true,” at which point smoke began to pour from the flies and ankles of his trousers.

He then said that he had “been straight with people in private and in public throughout,” and he said this, small flames were clearly visible around his groin and buttock areas.

By the time he said the words “What matters most to me is the health of the British public,” his trousers and pants were burning out of control.

He went on to say that, “the Government was doing all it could to guard the public against the spread of the new Indian variant,” at which point his pants exploded and smoke began filling the chamber.

MPs were evacuated and the emergency services were called to the scene. They were able to get the fire under control and Mr Hancock was provided with some emergency pants to replace the ones that had exploded.

Dazed, but thankfully unhurt, Mr Hancock gave a brief statement to reporters about the morning’s events.

“I have no idea why my pants just caught fire,” he said.

At which point his new emergency pants exploded in a ball of flame.

The Cabinet of Arseholes – get your drinking receptacle here!

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