Thursday 27 May 2021 by Chris Ballard

Cummings just bitter because I didn’t award him a lucrative government contract, explains Matt Hancock

Matt Hancock parliament

Health Secretary Matt Hancock has responded to Dominic Cummings’ claims that he is incompetent, saying that the former advisor is just seeking revenge after being unsuccessful in securing a medical supplies contract.

Yesterday, Dominic Cummings said that Matt Hancock should have been fired fifteen to twenty times for his deceit and incompetence during the pandemic.

Today, the Health Secretary responded to the accusations.

“Dominic is obviously still hurting because I refused to award him a contract to supply swabs for Covid test kits,” said Mr Hancock.

“He seemed to think he was entitled to supply the government because we both went to Exeter College, Oxford. While that is indeed one of the procurement criteria, there are many others Dominic failed to meet.

“For example, he was never a fellow member of the Oxford Tiddlywinks Society – we weren’t even at University at the same time.

“He was never my neighbour. Government tendering processes are extremely rigorous and it’s always very important to ensure potential suppliers used to live in close proximity to the authorising minister.

“Most importantly, he never owned my local pub and we weren’t drinking buddies.

“To be honest, the only thing Cummings had going for him was his complete lack of experience in producing medical-grade swabs.

“That made me consider him, briefly, but ultimately I had mates who were far better to placed to take on the work.

“It was a fair and transparent selection process but Dom is obviously still very bitter about the result.”

Political Analyst Simon Williams said, “Sacking Hancock fifteen to twenty times would have been incredibly inefficient, even by the standards of this Government.

“The best way to remove Hancock would be via a single stake through the heart.”

The Cabinet of Arseholes – get your drinking receptacle here!

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