Wednesday 26 May 2021 by Lucas Wilde

Dominic Cummings gives devastating testimony which will make absolutely no difference to voters whatsoever


Dominic Cummings testimony

Dominic Cummings is currently giving a full and frank review of the government’s failings in a testimony that will sway voters in absolutely no way at all.

The pint-sized-pariah of the Conservative government described the planning leading up to the coronavirus pandemic as “short-sighted”, “over-optimistic” and “shit”.

However, the damning indictment is expected to have the same effect on voters that a fly swatter might have on a freight train.

“Look, Boris tried his best,” said voter, Simon Williams, a freight train driver.

“You can’t take that away from him. Yes, we have the worst death toll in Europe, but nobody else could have done better, even though there will never be a scenario in which I could prove that statement to be true.

“I don’t care what Tony Robinson’s uglier brother has to say, to be honest. I didn’t even watch the thing he was on today.

“Labour has betrayed the working class. I read it in the Mail. Therefore, I will vote for Boris again and again until he stops being funny, which will obviously be NEVER, the adorable little scamp.”

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