Wednesday 26 May 2021 by Chris Ballard

Boris Johnson posts written apology for burka comments into Muslim woman’s face


Boris Johnson thumbs up

The Prime Minister has attempted to apologise for his insensitive burka comments by shoving a written statement into the head of a Muslim lady he thought was a letterbox.

Khadija Qidwai has just finished a shopping trip to Tesco and was waiting for the bus home when Boris Johnson walked up to her and pushed a large white envelope into her eyes.

Although Khadija screamed and tried to move away Mr Johnson continued to ram the letter through her veil while muttering, ‘Bloody silly thing’.

Fortunately, the incident soon ended when a passerby saw what was going on and wrestled Johnson to the ground.

Ms Qidwai reported the incident to the police, saying in her statement that ‘a fat vagrant had tried to blind me’.

However, further investigations revealed that it was in fact Boris Johnson attempting to post an apology for saying that Muslim women who wore burkas looked like letterboxes.

“It bloody well wasn’t my fault!” Johnson insisted.

“How was I to know that this young Muslim woman dressed in black and holding two Tesco carrier bags wasn’t a good old fashioned red post box?”

This isn’t the first time Boris has made a mistake like this.

Earlier this year he threw a banana skin into the mouth of a parliamentary assistant after stepping on their foot; they yelled in pain and he assumed they were a pedal bin.

Then there was the rather embarrassing occasion he mistook Priti Patel’s striped dress for some steps and tried to walk up her.

And the less said about the time he thought a white-capped Mo Farah was a pint of Guinness the better.

Downing Street sources say the written apology contained the following statement:

“Now look. People are free to dress as they like. But if you refuse to dress like me and have the audacity to belong to a culture I’m too stupid and insensitive to understand, then you’re begging for me to abuse you in some way.

“It’s not my fault.

“Regards, Boris.”

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