BBC reports that Hartlepool is loads better now

author avatar by 3 years ago

The BBC are reporting that Hartlepool is loads better now, after electing its first Tory MP in 40 years two weeks ago.

“I’m in Hartlepool,” said Chris Mason, introducing the report as he walked on a golden sandy beach with the sun beating down on beautiful swimsuit-clad young people frolicking in the warm sea.

“And since the by-election, it’s loads better.”

The report goes on to feature what it claimed to be the gleaming skyscrapers of Hartlepool’s new financial district, the groovy coffee shops and modern workspaces of Hartlepool’s new tech sector and some footage of Harrison Ford moving into his new mansion in Hartlepool.

“It really is a paradise now, much better than the abject shit-hole it remained whilst under Labour’s power.”

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Mason went on to interview Boris Johnson about how much better is Hartlepool is now.

“Mr Johnson, is Hartlepool loads better now simply because they voted for a Tory MP?”

“Yes,” replied the Prime Minister.

“Hmm, fascinating, and why are you so fantastic?” continued the tenacious Mason.

“Ha ha. That’s not for me to say, I’ll leave that to the BBC.”

The report then ended with Mason breaking down and sobbing outside what it said were the newly opened Hanging Gardens of Hartlepool and crying “Why, oh why can’t the Tories be in power everywhere. It’s so, so much better when the Tories are in power.”

The Tory party have responded to the report by claiming that the BBC is far too left-wing, and should be immediately reformed to feature more right-of-centre voices.