Friday 21 May 2021 by Pete Redfern

Cause of May’s miserable weather traced back to some idiot’s purchase of a sun lounger in April


Garden in the rain

The weather is unremittingly shite because some berk went a bought a sun lounger at the end of April, experts have today confirmed.

Meteorologists seeking to understand the cause of the persistent wind and rain that has battered the United Kingdom for the entirety of May first studied weather fronts and regional pressure systems, before eventually concluding that it is all the fault of one man.

“His name is Simon Williams,” chief meteorologist Christopher James told us, somewhat unsurprisingly.

“He’s the one solely to blame for all this. On the 28th of April, he purchased a sun lounger from Facebook marketplace, and despite it being an absolute steal at only twenty quid, that one act is entirely to blame for the rain we have had almost every day since then.”

He went on, “Last year we had a lovely May, with higher than average hours of sunshine and very little rain. Did he purchase a reclining garden chair last year? No, he did not, and we had a glorious May as a result.

“That’s all the proof you need.”

Simon Williams responded, “Ah, shit, my bad.

“Ooh, come to think of it, just yesterday I purchased a paddling pool for the kids.

“There’s no way that will have any repercussions, surely?”

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