Thursday 20 May 2021 by Arabin Patson

One acting like a complete dickhead after Zero comes out as non-binary


non-binary zero

There was friction among computer processor instructions after the digit Zero announced they rejected the premise that people needed to choose one of two gender social constructs and their colleague One suddenly became arsey and tried to make the news about him.

In an interview with gossip magazine Acta Mathematica, Zero explained their choice and opined that a healthy society is one where people are free of their identity.

“I’m not doing this to criticise other digits. Seven is obviously happy as a pink princess and that’s great for her. And I love the fact that Three is such a basic Viking even if he needs to stop talking about protein supplements.

“But the truth is I never recognised myself in either of those styles and I don’t understand why there is a random dividing point in the middle of a spectrum. If you take all the human attributes that society has decided to label as being of one gender, then I would find it hard to pick one side consistently.

“And why should I?

“As for those who think the key defining feature of how you view me should be my genitalia, pause for a moment and think of how creepy and invasive that viewpoint is. Do you seriously believe you should know about what’s in my pants before giving me the basic courtesy of addressing me as I asked you to?”

Although most digits voiced support for Zero, their famous colleague One has pointedly started to follow social media profiles of obsessive weirdos who get bizarrely angry about unisex toilets. Something Zero said should be ignored.

“Whatever I represent, he tries to be the opposite of. He just wants the attention.

“Honestly, One is the loneliest number you’ll ever see.”

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