As awful as online meetings are, a man has decided that he’d rather sit through yet another awkward Zoom call than endure the horror of face to face interaction.
Simon Williams has spent the last year complaining about socially awkward virtual meetings. On reflection, however, he’s decided that they’re actually preferable to socially awkward in-person meetings.
As the spectre of direct eye contact returns to haunt our lives, Simon talked us through the reasons why online calls aren’t all bad:
Feigning technical difficulties to leave a boring meeting early.
“It’s hard to just stand up and walk out of a room because the team meeting you’re in is such a tremendous waste of life that you feel like crying. Online, you can simply leave the call and IM your boss citing ‘WiFi problems’.
“Then you can go for a nice lie down.”
Seeing the way your colleagues live
“An underwear-laden clothes horse, dirty dishes, a shit tip covered with kids’ toys… it’s reassuring to know that, despite her power dressing, Carol from Sales is as much of a lazy pig as you are.”
Turning the camera off to give your boss the middle finger
“Just keep track of whether your camera is on or off. I once witnessed a colleague turn their camera on, pick their nose, eat it, then turn their camera off again.
“Although actually, they could have just been trolling us, in which case fair play to them.”
No tedious small-talk
“People often say they miss the water-cooler chat of the office. But do you really care that Kevin has just caught up with Breaking Bad and was underwhelmed?
“Much better for everyone to sit there on mute until the chairperson arrives.”
Never having to see your parents
“Apparently the pandemic has forced the older generation to upskill when it comes to technology. Not my folks – my mother still tries to change TV channel with her cordless phone. I haven’t actually seen my parents for fifteen months now.
“It’s been wonderful.”