Wednesday 19 May 2021

Scientists baffled after discovering adult human who is completely immune to people criticising things he likes


Man checking his phone

Scientists have been left baffled today after the discovery of a human being who appears to be completely immune when someone criticises things he likes on social media, often just scrolling on by until he sees something he likes.

Simon Williams, 35, has been hailed a ‘scientific marvel’ for the way his brain just scrolls past posts designed to trigger his anger response, and researchers are keen to understand his secret.

As one told us, “We don’t get it. When someone says something derogatory about something he likes, he just… well… ignores it.

“We’re not quite sure how he does it, or how his brain is able to handle it, but despite millions of years of evolution optimising human behaviour for rage-clicking, it seems Simon is completely immune. And we mean completely.

“People with opinions diametrically opposed to his own, expressing them in his social media feeds has literally zero effect on him.

“We hope that by studying Simon we might be able to develop therapies to help those poor souls who are unable to browse past anything that mocks something they like without posting numerous comments explaining why the post is ‘wrong’.”

Williams told us, “This all really flattering, but I don’t see what all the fuss is about? Doesn’t everyone ignore stuff they don’t like? What, no? Err… why not?

“It’s really easy, just a swipe of my thumb and the derogatory post about that thing I like is consigned to history and I can go about my day without even giving it a second thought.

“I mean, the world is full of different opinions, and it would be arrogant in the extreme to think that only my opinion can be the correct one, regardless of the subject. Right?

“Wait, you all go around all day convinced everyone else is wrong? Jesus, that must be fucking exhausting.”

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