Tuesday 18 May 2021

Weather app about as trustworthy as Boris Johnson


man looking at weather app in the rain

The weather app on your phone appears to be telling you what you want to hear, rather than what you should be hearing, according to reports this afternoon.

After the weather app told him that the sky was clear and no rain was expected, Simon Williams found himself completely soaked to the skin in a torrential downpour just five minutes into his walk to the shops.

“The lying piece of fucking shit,” Williams told us, before we were clear on whether we were discussing the weather app, or the prime minister.

“Sometimes I think it just makes stuff up on the fly based on what it thinks we want to hear, or what it thinks will make us grateful for paying it any attention,” he went on, still not making it any clearer.

“Sometimes I’ll look out the window and see the weather with my own eyes and realise that what the app is telling me is definitely wrong. But then I’ll still find myself trusting the app, simply because it should know what’s happening, right? It has access to much better information than I do – even if the information I’m getting is with my own eyes.

“This is the third time I have found myself piss wet through due to the app completely lying to me, yet tomorrow, I will once again consult it before deciding what to wear when I walk to pick the kids up from school.  No, I don’t know what gaslighting is.

“Just because it has repeatedly let me down, and will likely do so again tomorrow, doesn’t mean it isn’t trying its very best, or that I should consider looking elsewhere.”

Williams has voted Conservative in the last three elections.

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