Tuesday 18 May 2021 by Mark Molloy

Man who said ‘diet starts on Monday’ actually meant Tuesday, or maybe Wednesday


Diet starts tomorrow

A man who insisted at the weekend that his ‘diet starts on Monday’ has revealed today that he actually meant to say Tuesday, or possibly even Wednesday.

Simon Williams, who is definitely starting his diet this week at some point, for the 14th consecutive week, revealed that he’s got his days mixed up whilst finishing off a digestive, just after having bacon for breakfast this morning.

Speaking earlier today he revealed, “Yeah, obviously I didn’t mean Monday – who starts anything important on a Monday? And when I said Tuesday, I actually meant Wednesday when I said that my diet starts ‘this week’.

“Listen, I’m definitely starting my diet this week, because I’ve had a really bad weekend for eating loads of shit, and drinking like it’s going out of fashion.

“It’s just that I still have a few things to get rid of in the cupboards so I can really give it a go this time and get right in the zone, so I had to polish off those digestives.

“And there was a packet of bacon in the fridge too that will be out of date in… you know, a week or two, so that had to go as well, along with those three mini sausage rolls.

“And I can’t really focus on a Tuesday anyway, because I’m always far too tired, so it was never a good idea to start a new diet today.”

Asked if he will DEFINITELY start the diet tomorrow as soon as the unhealthy food is gone from his house he told us “Well it might take a couple of days to eat EVERYTHING but yes, definitely.”

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