Joe Biden sternly warns Israel that if they don’t stop bombing Gaza they won’t get to choose the interior trim of their free Apache helicopters

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As international condemnation of Israel’s onslaught on Gaza increases, Joe Biden has told Israel’s Netanyahu that if the attacks on civilian targets don’t stop, then the US will not hesitate to send him attack helicopters with the cheap default trim and no heated pilot seats.

White House spokesperson, Simone Williams, echoed her boss’ firm stance towards Israel in a statement to the world press.

She said, “Enough is enough. The US does not want to be the world’s policeman, but to protect innocent lives we will take strong measures against those who continue this senseless bloodshed.

“As such, if Hamas does not stop launching rockets we will place every one of their leaders on a CIA kill list and use naval assets to block supplies going into Gaza by sea.

“And if Israel levels one more building full of journalists, then that is it! No more colour choice on the Hellfire missiles we send them. And as for the $3.8 billion military subsidy, well, from now on it will be processed by surly diplomats. Very surly indeed.”

Ms Williams denied Joe Biden was once again aiding the perception that the USA was not an honest broker in the Middle East and that allowing the yearly aid package to go through was removing all American leverage.

She went on, “It is completely unfair to suggest Joe Biden is scared of criticising Israel because the right-wing psychos are dying to paint him as a closet ISIS warlord.

“We are completely even-handed in our dealings with both fanatical Jihadists with scary beards and the noble Sabra pioneers who made the desert bloom.”